Should You Make Your Kids Apologize?
When I was a child, I fought frequently with my older brother. We were only 18 months apart and we would both tease each other mercilessly until one of us snapped. Because he was older, he was often the one who got blamed for the fighting. My mom would always say “Apologize to your sister this instant!” and he would eventually yell through gritted teeth “I’m sorry, YOU STUPID IDIOT!” This apology eventually became a family joke and we will still say it to each other to this day in jest. Yet, it raises the question of whether this type of disingenuous apology benefits anyone?
Should we be asking our children to apologize when they don’t really mean it? Does this type of prompted or “forced” apology actually make a difference? Yet, conversely, if we don’t ask our children to apologize, how exactly do we teach them to acknowledge when they have hurt others, take responsibility, and learn from their mistakes?
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Parenting Translator is hosted by Dr. Cara Goodwin and is produced by Earfluence.
Dr. Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a child psychologist and mother to three children who "translates" research on parenting and child development into information that is accurate, relevant, and useful to parents.
